Clone me please!

Warning: this post departs from my usual topics. I need to release my frustrations here.

I want a break. But there's no point having a break. The work will simply pile up after returning from my break. My To Do list will simply grow longer. I would have lost that time to do more with my son. I would not have truly rested during the break cos I'm not able to comfortably leave him in the care of my helper alone.

Perhaps I should wish for a clone. A clone for mummy duties that will make sure he gets PT, OT, ST activities and also develop his cognitive and social skills. Another clone for housewife duties that can wash and iron my husband's clothes, cook healthy delicious recipes for the entire family, do the groceries, organise things so everything is efficient, smooth, clean, no wastages, getting value for money expenditure, better manage the helper etc. And one more clone for sister duties.

I'm very tired. I'm very very tired. I wish time would stop and allow me to rest. I wish I can sleep properly at night. It's been busy the last few weeks. And looks like it'll continue into next year.

Being my son's shadow aide simply makes it worse. I've suddenly lost 4 hours. Time which I would have used for his physical therapy activities or to run errands.

I've not done proper groceries for 2 weeks running. I just grab whatever whenever it's convenient. I find it hard to plan the week's menu like that. While at Desa Parkcity, I run into Jusco to grab bits. While having a quick fast food lunch, I run into Giant nearby for bits. When I couldn't get a parking at the book sale venue and saw I had an hour before he wakes from his nap, I headed to Cold Storage for bits.

The same goes for buying Christmas presents. I'm very late this year and likely to complete the list a week before Christmas. I just bought my son's birthday gift 3 days ago, while at Desa Parkcity (for his pedalling exercise) which happened to have a MPH sale. In the past, I would have scouted the shops for their selection, narrowed down my choice, go around the shops comparing prices, then only purchase it.

The plumber has been postponing for over 2 weeks, so we've a leaky water outlet from the basin. The shower head needs a new O-ring cos I cant find the right size at the shops. The contractor owes us some aluminium bars, for which I've been chasing for over 4 weeks. I need to get a second opinion on some sewerage pipe problem at the shop. I'm waiting for DBKL's specifications for a drainage issue which I've no idea whether it'll arrive and in the meantime risk being issued a summon.

Just what the heck have I been up to? I'm a housewife. I dont have a 9-5 job. I just have one kid. I have a full time helper. I dont have a boss breathing down my neck, so why should I have stress. I set my own deadlines right?

Let's review the week past:
Monday - Thur mornings: shadow aide. Trying to inject some activities so he doesnt waste his time there since teacher is so hands off. Try to settle him in (where's his class/toilet, lining up, wash hands, where are bags kept, ask permission before taking toys, etc etc). Teach him social skills etc etc. It's not just about making sure he doesnt hurt himself.

The rest of Monday: lunch, update blog, rest 30min before he wakes, play with him, shower, do the Neurosuit preparation exercises, get him into the Suit (which he hates but is beneficial to him), off to Jln TAR shoe shop to take measurements, get stuck in jam going there and coming back, stop by Lake Gardens to squeeze in some physical activity, get stuck in jam, dinner, shower, read book, sleep.

In addition to the routine and mundane stuff, Tues afternoon's main activity was to take him to Desa Parkcity for his pedalling exercise for an hour (exc travelling time). Also popped into Jusco there.

Wed afternoon: CST therapy an hour, then off to Titiwangsa for his pedalling. Very tired but I was swimming in the "feel good hormones" cos I was so happy with his little bit of progress.

Thurs afternoon: KizSports for his physical activity. Left him there with helper. I went off to Jusco for groceries and wasted 30min waiting in line for the cashier. Grabbed a new outfit for my son when saw the offer they had on (mother in law gave cash a few months ago for me to buy an outfit for him, so this is long overdue). Also wasted time cos I couldnt find the gift I had in mind for my sis.

Fri: Havent slept well for 2 nights in a row, so already tired. Music class in the morning. It was either Titiwangsa or Desa Parkcity (I forgot) again in the evening for pedalling. Went out for dinner.

Sat: Desa Parkcity for pedalling in the morning. Checked out the new KizSports at Desa Parkcity. Turns out to be opened by an ex-colleague and her partner, so discussed about my son. Went out for lunch. Dropped into Giant for bits. Evening, Titiwangsa for pedalling. Went out for dinner.

Sun: No pedalling. Very quickly read Sat's and Sun's newspapers while having a late breakfast (8.30am). Went for Big Bad Wolf Book sale and an errand for my brother (I was very happy to have that time away from everyone else). Went for a playdate for my son. Went out for dinner.

Am I a really pathetic mum? So easily tired? Unable to juggle everything? Why can't I take it easy, relax? I dunno. I want to give up but I know I can't and I won't. I know I'll perservere with God's help. But at times like these, I feel like I'm really running on empty. When my fuel tank's empty, the tiniest spark ignites the fumes in the empty tank.....