I was so scared

I had a real scare yesterday. I was still very shaken a few hours after the incident. As I write this, more than 24hours after the event, I’m still quite frightened at the thought of what could have happened yesterday.


We headed to KizSports for his exercise after lunch. He fell asleep in the car on the way there and I carried him still asleep out of the car.

He would normally awaken when we enter the shopping mall, what with the noise and all. When I got off the escalator, he had stirred but went back to sleep. He was drooling a little bit. I decided to head to the supermarket to get some fruits instead since he was still asleep and probably too tired.

On the way there, he continued to drool more which was rather unusual. Despite asking him to rest his head on my shoulders, he didn’t. His eyes were slightly open, his head tilted downwards. I thought he was still asleep cos as a baby, he occasionally slept with his eyes not fully closed.

I walked pasted the stalls selling mooncakes and the Disney mooncake package caught my eye. I thought he was also looking at those too since his eyes were kinda open and it was in the shape of Mickey and Minnie (I was still carrying him). But he didn’t respond to my question. That’s when I noticed that his lips turned a shade of blue.

I panicked. What should I do now? Was I imagining it? Was it just the lighting playing tricks? Who could help me? I doubt the security guards or information counter staff would be of any help. Do I rush back to the car? Should I take the Neurosuit off now or take it off in the car? If I take it off now, it might be too cold for him what with the air-conditioning. I was so scared. I had all these questions racing through my head. I walked a few steps looking for a bench to sit him down and take off the suit, but since I couldn’t find one, I just stopped by a quiet corner and let him stand.

He started gagging. He didn’t look right. He then vomited his lunch. He fussed as I hurriedly removed the suit and comforted him. I knew that something was wrong but I didn’t know what. I asked him his name (to check if he was coherent etc). I asked him to repeat what I said. He could. I felt a bit better but was still very worried.

I kept on checking on him via the rear view mirror on the way home. He fell asleep half way and I put him straight to bed upon arriving home. I lay down with him as I was so tired after the incident, but I couldn’t sleep. I was still so scared. I didn’t know what happened. Painful memories of the past resurfaced (I cannot talk about those here without breaking down).

My husband had a Buka Puasa function so didn’t get back til late. I was a wreck. A few times, I had to check if he was still breathing. I prayed. Slowly I calmed down a little and distracted myself by reading the papers. He woke later and had his milk and shower before calling it a night.

He went to school as normal today. Everything seems fine. In fact he had a good day in school. I suspect though, he might be on the verge of falling ill.

But I am still haunted by yesterday’s incident. Analysing the events, I suspect that he might have choked either on phlegm or saliva or food, blocking his airway. Or did he have a fit? Whatever caused it, I didn’t notice it early on because I was carrying him. If he was walking by himself, he would have stopped walking, and I would have noticed he was in distress.

How do I prevent this from happening again? It seemed like such a freak event. I think I must be more alert to his condition at all times. I had let down my guard for some time now because he has progressed so much and continues well on his path towards independence.

I’ve also decided that I absolutely cannot let my helper feed my son, whether it is solids or his milk (but will allow her to give him water to drink). That also means that I will be unable to attend seminars that cross over lunch time. I had considered attending a seminar by a famous Australian speech therapist but because it’s a whole day seminar, I won’t go. I simply cannot risk my son going through that again.