I’m very late in writing about this but it is an important event that I wish to share.
Back in Oct I had mentioned in my blog that I had floated the idea, to his teacher, of my son attending kindergarten without a shadow aide. Teacher agreed, but for it to happen only after the concert.
So after the concert, I raised it to the teacher again. After a week of nervous waiting, I got the approval from the principal.
On 1st Nov, a week after the concert, my son went to kindergarten without me, without any shadow aide. It was a big milestone – for him and for me!
I was worried for several days prior and didn’t have proper sleep in the run up to the first day. I was worried that something might happen that would lead to him being kicked out or to him disliking school. I was worried how he’d cope with the stress.
His 1st day
My heart sank when we arrived in class on the first day. His teacher was absent and it was the fierce teacher’s aide substituting for the day instead. It wasn’t the best start but if he “survived” the day, I knew that he’d probably be ok the rest of the days.
I was too nervous to be stuck at home while he was in class, so thankfully a friend was free to accompany me to a toy wholesaler in the city. I not only managed to buy the main gift for the party packs for my son’s birthday party in school, but also found a fun (& useful) toy for his birthday.
I spoke to the substitute when I got there early before dismissal. He fed himself his snack and drank his water. He needed help to open his water tumbler and Tupperware. The substitute took him to toilet but he didn’t shee-shee (scared I guess!). He didn’t cry or cause any trouble for the substitute.
The remaining days
There were not many school days from 1 Nov to 19 Nov. Out of those 15 days, there were 2 public holidays, 1 day the school was closed, 1 field trip day, 1 year end party day.
Nonetheless, he successfully attended those school days without me, without any incident. Initially, he was very happy to attend class without me. Teacher said he was happy, smiling, laughing and playing with his friends.
On one day, he was laughing so loudly that the teacher in the class next to his commented that his true self could be seen when I’m not around. I think that was because he and another special kid had completed their work before the rest (with teacher’s assistance) and allowed to play. They started chasing each other and so my son was happy and excited.
There wasn’t much teaching in those last few weeks of school, so I’m not sure how he would have coped during a more “typical school day”. For the teaching that did take place, he was able to follow lessons during workbook time. When it was floor time, he continued to be a bit fidgety and easily distracted, curious what his friends who weren’t paying attention were up to.
After a few days of attending class without me, he started to show some little signs of stress. He would say that he missed me whereas in the initial days, he didn’t. He would hug me very tightly or hold my hand extra tight when I picked him up from school.
Helpful friends
The kids were curious why I didn’t attend class with my son anymore. Teacher explained that my son’s big enough now and almost 5, so doesn’t need mummy anymore : )
I’m thankful that the kids were kind to him. They would help him with this or that. They included him in their play (teacher did tell them to). It looks like his social skill is slowly improving because on one occasion, he played Lego with his best friend and not just alongside or merely observe.
Assistance still needed
He still needs help from his friends or teachers in various small ways. He sometimes needs help to open his water tumbler (esp when my sister closes it super tight to avoid it spilling). He needs help opening and closing his snack box (I’ve since found a container he CAN open by himself – a Lock & Lock brand). Teacher needs to keep a close eye on him when he’s eating as he has a tendency to put more food in his mouth before completely swallowing the previous bite, and thus gag/vomit.
He needed assistance from the teacher when it came to writing practice (several lines). He was distracted during lessons, by the out-of-the-box girl who sat beside him so I guess that’s why teacher had him sit at her table with the other kids who needed more attention during workbook time.
Teacher was very supportive of him in terms of his toileting needs too. She initially walked with him to toilet but peeped from behind the wall. The next time, she had his friends go with him but would check on him a few seconds later. A few times more and teacher didn’t need to check on him in the toilet. But she had to be aware of how long he was in the toilet and if he didn’t return, she’d go and check on him. On occasion his underwear or pants would get twisted and when he returns to class, teacher would notice him tugging and help him adjust.
Next year, 2011
I believe this “without a shadow aide” trial happened mainly because the class teacher was supportive, understood my son’s need, felt confident enough to handle him, and they had completed the syllabus for the year, and it was only for a few weeks.
Teacher mentioned that next year, it’s most likely that I’ll have to be with him for the first few months at least, to help him settle down because he’ll have new classmates, new teacher, new classroom set up etc.
But the fact remains that he did successfully manage to attend class without me, albeit with assistance from teacher and friends. This definitely bodes well for the future.
Extra hours for me
Those few weeks gave me a few precious extra 3 hours in a day. Even though I didn’t get to relax, I did manage to do many errands.
Day 1: bought the main item for the party packs for his school birthday party & his birthday gift.
Day 2: bought remaining items to fill up the party bags.
Day 3: fell sick & slept the morning away!
Day 4: made a lot of phone calls – quotations for my car’s cracked windscreen, fixed 2 doctor’s appointments for myself, fixed appointment with contractor etc. Cleared some paperwork.
Day 5: shopped for Christmas presents and sister’s birthday present.
Day 6: appointment with Gynaecologist.
Day 7: appointment with Hepatologist.
Day 8: errands to the Laundromat, cake shop, flower shop for my sister’s birthday, met up with contractor.
Day 9: drove to workshop to get opinion on cracked windscreen and picked up some groceries.
Day 10: paperwork at home & general tidying up.
Day 11: accompanied son on field trip.
Day 12: picked up his birthday cake and celebrated with him in school & since it was the last day of school, they were dismissed at 11am.
As they say, no rest for the wicked!
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