Tantrums

My son has been noticeably "less co-operative" about 2-4 weeks ago. Nothing violent. No public meltdowns. Just harder to get him to do the activities I want him to do, to get him into the shower, to brush his teeth, to stop his playing & have his meals etc. Thankfully he's more settle this week.

About 2-4 weeks ago, there was more wailing, more expressions of his anger, flailing, throwing his toys... I read up about temper tantrums of preschoolers to understand him more & to be better able to handle it. I've subscribed to http://www.babycentre.com/ ever since I was pregnant with him & it's been a great resource.

Here's a summary of what I've learnt from their articles on tantrums:

Why throw tantrums?

- Tantrums aren't confined to the terrible twos. It's a fact of life with a preschooler. Their sense of identity is burgeoning, encouraging them to test their limits & define their wants.
Phew. So it's part of normal development!

- Most tantrums are due to frustration (e.g. lacking the skills to do what he wants to)
Yes, so true & even more so given his gross motor, fine motor & speech impairment.

- Tantrums are also due to disappointment e.g. has little control over any of the decisions about his day.
Yes, often happens when it's time for meals, for shower, brush his teeth etc.

- Tantrums are more likely when he's tired or hungry.
Definitely! Noticed it often happens near nap time/bedtime or mealtimes.

- It could also be a reaction to new demands being made on him (e.g. jealously from having a new sibling).
No new sibling here, but when he sees me on my laptop, he certainly acts jealous!

- Tantrums could be linked to his heightened anxiety earlier in the day.
Always a possibility but haven't noticed this to be a frequent cause.

How should I respond?

- Stay calm. When he's having a tantrum, he's unable to listen to reason, but will respond more negatively to your yelling, stomping out, or impatience. Stomping out of the room can make him feel abandoned. The storm of emotions can be frightening to him & he needs to know you're nearby, so go to him, pick him up & hold him.
I don't yell at him but I have walked out when I'm about to lose my cool!

- Encourage him to put his feelings into words. If he can't or won't, be patient.
Yeah, read about that some time back & been trying that for many months. He is able to say "I'm angry" which is important when he goes to preschool, but when his tantrums are a notch more intense, he's just not able to use his words.

- Try avoiding the tantrum triggers. Don't let him be too hungry. Alerting him that there'll be a change in activity may give him the chance to adjust instead of just react.
I often forget to give him the heads-up to expect a change in activity. When I do remember, I give him a 5 minutes countdown, which often is more like 20 minutes in the end!

- He faces new demands from school, teachers, peers, parents, so offer him choices when possible. No one likes being told what to do all the time. He'll have a sense of control if he's offered carrots or broccoli, instead of instructing him to eat carrots. Ease up & choose your battles.
A friend recently commented that my son seems like a happy boy (as have other friends). I think it's partly because I do choose my battles. Most are just not worth getting into a power struggle over. I'm hoping it doesnt mean that he'll turn out to be a spoilt brat. So far, I'm able to reason with him & he does use his manners etc...