Drive

I was getting a little frustrated at home with my helper. I am truly grateful to have her & she has been of tremendous help, but no one's perfect. I'm certainly not. Living together, you'd see the good, the bad and the ugly of anyone. Over the past few months, such tiny frustrations (seemingly stemming from her) have been cropping with a little more frequency. I had to get out, away from the house, without her tagging along.

Taking a quote from a Focus on The Family tape I was listening to, perhaps my "frustration storage tank" was getting full from various life stressors. If not dealt with, frustrations would turn to anger.

Since it was a public holiday, I suggested to my husband that we take a drive, with my son & my sis. It would have been better if it was without my sis so that I could freely voice my thoughts to my husband, but I know my sis needed to get out of the house too (with H1N1 raging on, we've minimised going out).

My sis has a moderate to serious learning disability. She stays with us as she can't live independently & will need someone to care for her all her life. But that's a story for another time.

Where we were driving to wasn't that important. It felt good to be out with my husband when he's in a relaxed mood, not hurrying to complete an errand, not stressed by his job worries, not being stuck in a traffic jam, not tired from a day at the office.

The topic of the conversation was something light, which made the drive relaxing. I miss hearing my husband's voice when he's relaxed. I put aside my focus on my son & focused on my husband. It felt good. It's been a long time since I gave my husband the same amount of attention that I have been giving my son since he started his therapies.

On the one hand, time is the enemy for my son. Each day he's getting older and his peers are learning more new skills, absorbing new knowledge. It's like fighting time to try to avoid the developmental gap from getting bigger. After more than a year of therapies & giving all I got, I feel burnt out. (I'm not ready to write about the time before I started blogging. It's too painful, too confusing, too much energy needed to sort out my thoughts).

I am learning to strike a better balance now between being a mother and a wife. It's hard. I'm making a conscious effort. By God's grace, I'm hoping it all works out.