Sad

I've been sad and worried lately because the progress that we made in my son's development has been lost to some extent:

- he's not sitting 90 degrees (that took many months of gross motor and CST work to achieve)

- he's walking stride has shortened (that took many weeks of Neurosuit activities to achieve)

- he's drooling a lot, and more often (that involves a lot of oral motor work)

- his posture when running is more akward (that was after months of Neurosuit)

I believe the regression happened because we stopped gross motor, fine motor, oral motor activities, Neurosuit activities over the last 3 mths. During that 3 mths he was sick at least 4 times (some episodes milder than others) so Neurosuit activity was stopped. Also, to a great extent, I was busy with errands, with reorganising stuff at home, with learning and making new activities for him.

The feedback that I got recently (from more than one person) was that I was far too focused on my son, and that I should relax more. So, over the last month, while my aunt was here, I hardly did anything with my son. I saw to the errands and household administrative matters, lots of cleaning up, tidying up, preparing for my helper's departure, and more recently with Chinese New Year, I ate a lot and rested more.

But, as a result my poor son's development has suffered....or perhaps I should say that as a result, I've got a tough road ahead over the next 6 mths or so:

- My new helper doesnt speak my language and I dont speak her language. I'll have to spend a lot of time to teach her things

- She's new and so would be of limited help in caring for my son compared to my existing helper. My helper feeds him. She plays with him when I need to take care of admin or when I need some sleep.

- It'll be even harder to get back the progress lost because I've far less time to do those activities now that he's in school

- I've additional aspects to deal with ie. social skills and school readiness skills (for which I've no one to consult on the screaming and running around issues)

- I also want to start a new therapy with him (hyperbaric oxygen therapy)

Talk about having a mountain to climb! I feel mine's a slippery mountain because there's the risk of losing (hence "slippery") all the hard work. I guess that's why parents with special needs kids need lots of support.

I feel guilty. I feel bad. I feel like crying. Perhaps I should not have listened to other people. I should have followed my gut instinct and just kept going with my son.

I was struggling internally with this matter. Now that I've written it down and faced my fears, I shall try not to cry over spilt milk. It's not a pity party but a lot of worry and fear. I have to look forward. I have to be positive. But I honestly do not know how I'll cope in the next few months. What I do know is that I've to keep turning to God for help. With God, all things are possible.