Jan to March were highly stressful months for me.
My son was sick most of the time, with a cold. The common cold is usually not a big deal for most kids and their parents. With my son, it's important to stop the runny nose fast because there's a high risk it'll turn into a lung infection.
He also tends to sleep badly, being woken up by his coughing or a stuffed up nose, which then, very understandably, makes him real grouchy and uncooperative.
If he coughs a bit too hard, or there's too much phlegm, he vomits his previous meal. It's understandably distressing for him when that happens because sometimes the vomit comes out from his nose too, or sometimes the phlegm is hard to cough out. When he's distressed, I'm stressed.
With him so frequently down with the cold, it was inevitable I got sick too because I lacked proper rest and sleep. It took me a long time to recover because the night cough, which lasted a month, meant I continued to have interrupted sleep. I was drained, disappointed, frustrated and slightly depressed.
There were also other stress factors during those few months added in to make it a potent brew for a stressed out mom!
He started in a new class, when the new academic year began in Jan. I was naturally worried about the new teacher, his new classmates, how he'd cope without me, etc.
My live in helper was driving me nuts as well. It was near impossible trying to educate, train, teach, and change her. It felt like teaching someone with a learning disability (I know cos I've tried teaching my sis).
Having stopped physiotherapy (because he was sick) for so many months caused him to regress in his gross motor skills, and his speech (one word answers instead of long phrases cos muscle strength needed for breath). His stamina worsened and was tired often and very quickly. I was so disappointed. I was anxious cos he has 2 school entrance assessments in a few months' time.
I was very tensed up. I couldn't rest. I was squeezing things to do in every minute. I couldn't stop. I was shouting a lot. The tiniest things would set me off. I disliked myself but it was very hard to break the cycle.
The turning point came when I attended a Parent Support Group Seminar around the middle of March titled "Strength for the Journey". It was very timely as it was about managing stress. I could easily tick off the boxes for factors causing "unnecessary stress" - guilt, blame, envy, shame, resentment, etc. I learnt about finding "oasis" - periods of time for myself. I learnt about "restful people" - friends who are supportive and understand, and do not demand anything from you. Thanks Wai Sze for prompting me to attend!
In the second half of March, I slowly gave myself permission to rest and not feel guilty about it. I slowly took time off for myself. I had a hair cut. I visited my grandma (long overdue CNY visit). I had a facial (thanks to my husband for giving the green light!). While waiting to pick up my son, I started to use a few minutes to be still, to be silent, to talk to God, to calm myself down, instead of making maths worksheets, doing up lessson plans, listing out errands etc.
But, things are looking up. He's resumed his physiotherapy & is slowly getting better again. Key word being "slow" but I now accept that's the way it has to be. There have been improvements in other areas that I'd love to write about. I've kept a lot of his work, with the intention of taking photos of them and uploading onto my blog, but there's just no time to do so!
In my mind, I started "writing" this post about a month ago. But I only managed to start actual writing about a week and a half ago. I lacked the time to complete it until today when he's having a 2 hour session with Fezia.
I've always loved this song - see lyrics below. When I heard it on radio 2 weeks ago while driving, the sky was beautifully blue, without a single cloud. I took a long deep breath and smiled. I felt good. I was back to being my old self again. I still have stressful moments in my day, but I'm ok.
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothing but blue skies
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
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