Should he join in Sports Day?

I was upset by the school over the planning of their Sports Day. Actually, its the administrator whom I'm upset by. Not surprised, huh?

On the last day of school before the current 1 week holidays, teacher tells me during PE that the principal's instructions were that for the kindergarten level kids, each kid MUST throw a ring onto a cone placed at a slight distance from where they stand, before being allowed to run back to his team to tag the next team member. The kid must keep on throwing until he succeeds...simply because if it were otherwise, the game would end too early. Ah, wait, keep your comments first cos there's more...

Teacher then therefore suggests my son join the Playgroup kids (mostly 1+ to 2+yr olds). On the spot I thought it a bad idea as he's unlikely to want to join playgroup "babies". He'll want to be with his peers. His therapist later pointed out that doing so would crush his confidence.

I called the principal on Tues for permission to borrow a hoop, cone and ring for practice at home. She explained some things to me, interesting things that gave me a better (but ugly) understanding of how they viewed kids with special needs.

According to the principal, she views sports day with the objective that participation is more important than winning especially at their age. I agree with that.

In relation to my son participating but not being able to get the ring on the cone, the administrator informed her that based on her experience, parents (of normal kids) would complain that their kids didnt win a prize because of my son and so, my son should NOT take part. Now, what do you think?

Oooo, I'm so mad! Mad enough to almost wish evil things upon her!

Wait, there's more! Principal continues to explain the backdrop. She tells of last year's concert. Apparently a special needs child was hogging the spot light, "ruining" everything! A parent (or parents) complained that it "spoiled" the event and was poorly organised etc. Btw, after that comment was fedback to the parent of the "show spoiler" kid, the kid didn't return this year.

Principal further explained that she helps out on some afternoons at another kindy to train teachers on how to handle ADHD or ASD kids. The principal of that other kindy told the parent of an ADHD kid that he "need not" return next term (ie expelled). She emphasised that point a few times. E.g. she said that the principal didnt even want that parent's fees....that kindy's fees are expensive (RM700) and yet the principal didn't want it. There were several other statements made to emphasise expulsion.

I'm getting the impression that their "values" are kinda skewed, dont you think?

• There's non-acceptance of special needs kids (by the administrator).
• Concerts must be perfect (that's why in the weeks running up, they practice twice a day!). Being imperfect is bad.
• Sports day is all about winning. Kiasu-ness is a more important value to teach the kids than accepting people who are different from you.
• Don't bother about teaching them it's ok to lose; that you can't win all the time
• Choose team members who are of equal calibre and not lower calibre. Afterall, who would want a team member to slow them down, right? It's a harsh world out there.
• Parents of normal kids have a much more powerful influence on the school's mgt, whereas parents of special needs kids have the threat of expulsion hanging over them.

On a more positive note, the principal, having spent many years in special ed is more understanding about my son. She sounded almost apologetic when explaining that the administrator has been in that position for decades, whilst the director comes from a commercial background. She being new, had to stay "neutral" towards integrating special needs kids. I sense politics brewing in the mgt team, and her position as principal might be precarious too.

Do you think I should stay on in that school? Please do tell if you know which other "normal" kindergarten practices "integration" rather than "segregation" of special needs kids....and allows a shadow aide...and has enough space for my son (to move without fear of being pushed aside to make way)...and strives to truly educate (not just teach via rote learning). Am I asking too much?

And back to the point on Sports Day...should I stop him from participating totally? Should he join Playgroup kids? Should he join his peers? Btw, I tried getting him to practice throwing the ring...he's unlikely to master it by mid April (esp now I've changed helpers).

A few months ago, a reader wrote in to The Star. In it the reader said something like this: 'if society cannot help the weakest of us, who need it, then what kind of society is it'. That phrase btw, is also what a counsellor told a parent of a special needs boy when she got the diagnosis of autism. Looks like the answer I'm getting from the school is "a society intolerant to differences".